I don't know about you, but I have reached some kinda breaking point in this quaran-time. I have gone through all the emotions (enneagram 4), so there are a lot of emotions. I am literally, a walking, talking feeling on a good day. So, now more than ever it's game on for those suckers. But, I digress, during this time I have tried to stay outta my feelings and I've been doing a lot...
I have Netflixed, I have written, worked, written some more, called people (a lot of people), made art, read books, listened to books, talked about books, stared at the internet, stared out the window. I have walked my neighbourhood endlessly (steering clear of people), baked, cooked, exercised....and I'm done.
Like, done, done.... what can I do now?
...I got nothing left. Now what?
If you are feeling the same way, rest assured you are not alone.
In fact, you are more than "not alone". You are neck deep in people who are feeling the same way. They are just at a safe personal distance. So, if you got nothing left to give, or to say or to do today then word up. Just sit in a chair and listen, to your thoughts, to your laundry list, to all the broken record messages we love to play on repeat and then keep listening some more...listen to that deeper still small voice that reminds you that you my dear friend don't have to do or be anything today. You are allowed to be fully and wholly done with this whole thing. You can have no poems in you to write, no verbal buffer left, no energy, no conversation, no nothing. You are allowed.
In fact, I have signed your permission form. You get to have a day.
And just like me, you can be done.
While you are sitting, roaming or lying prostrate listening to that still small voice, I hope you will begin to hear whose voice it is. That low voice is the voice of a shepherd gently bringing us back to the fold, back to where we belong sitting quietly, not doing anything, or having to be anything other than what and where we are right now.
Today, I may wander, cry a bit and try not to visit my friend the fridge too often. Who knows what I will end up doing, but what I will do is honour what I feel today.
Tomorrow or the next day, the words will be back, with my to-do list, and so will my goals and my worries. But for now, still and small, I will allow myself to be speechless and let someone more powerful than me do the talking.